God’s marketing slogan is simple: “My Way or Hell.” To avoid ending up in Hell Humans must obey the 700 Regulatory Commandments defined in the Book of Leviticus. The 700 Regulatory Commandments were announced to them by Moses. When Humans do not obey the Regulatory Commandments they are punished by a Great Flood. Regulatory Commandments announced by Moses make it clear to Humans that they will be punished by a Great Flood if they do not obey the Regulatory Commandments.

The Metropolitan Transportation Authority of New York regulates the unchosen called the Commuters who must go down into the Underground World. The Underground World is ruled by the God of Underground which is nothing other than the Unhuman Entity called Metropolitan Transportation Authority of New York whose marketing slogan echoes the slogan of God of Heavens: “My Way or the Highway.” God says, My Way or Hell, the MTA says My Way or the Highway. In a way this is funny. In a Way it is not funny.

The Book of MTA defines 700 Regulatory Commandments to regulate underground New Yorkers. The Book of Leviticus and the Book of MTA have the same amount of Regulatory Commandments. But given that the world population is 6.5 billion and MTA transports only 2.5 billion underground New Yorkers a year MTA regulates 3 times more per capita than God. New York is the Regulatory Capital of the World and it is natural that New York Transportation Authority regulates 3 times more per capita than God. Legal authorities from other States claim that this is an unfair double indemnity peculiar to New York because the same Humans are regulated by both God and MTA.

The Prime Regulators of Humans is God. God is the Top Regulator and the Regulatory Authority of all other Regulators. Humans are first regulated by God. Just renaming Humans who are regulated by God “Riders” and claiming that they are now in the jurisdiction of the MTA does not take Humans away from the jurisdiction of God’s regulations. Changing the name of somebody does not change that somebody’s legal obligations.

If changing name would have cleared legally bound from their legal bounds Prisons would be empty. God’s regulations are valid underground but MTA’s regulations are not valid above ground. Regulation business is not commutative therefore while underground New Yorkers are regulated unfairly 9 times per capita overall. What a paradox that regulations which regulate commuters are not commutative.

The Moses of MTA is its PA system. Like all Unhuman Entities the Metropolitan Transportation Authority of New York loves to hear itself talk. Like all Unhuman Entities the Metropolitan Transportation Authority talks through a Human Proxy. Talking makes MTA feel human. MTA never gets tired of talking. MTA never gets tired of giving Regulatory Commandment Lessons to Humans over its PA system. Once upon a time things were simpler. There was only one Mount Zion. There was one Moses. Moses delivered his message. Moses made his Announcements and that was it. Today, there is no escaping the PA system of MTA. The Voice is everywhere.

The Unchosen called Commuters plug into their ears all kinds of things not to hear MTA’s announcements but still they cannot evade it. MTA is fed up with Humans’ bad behavior. MTA wants Riders to listen to its announcement instead of their iPods. Even though MTA has been lecturing Humans for decades through its PA system, Humans never learned to obey MTA’s Regulatory Commandments. If Humans have learned MTA’s Regulatory Commandments MTA would have stopped making Regulatory Commandment Announcements. MTA is still continuing with its announcement. Therefore, MTA thinks that Humans still do not know simple things like not to walk over the edge of the platform. MTA is finally fed up. MTA is angry at Humans.

But MTA is more lenient than the God of the Heavens. God of the Heavens floods the entire Earth to discipline Humans. MTA will not flood the tunnels with a Great Flood to teach Humans a lesson. Already a three-day strike[2] taught New Yorkers to obey MTA’s 700 Commandments and never complain about dirty trains and non-working escalators. Instead of punishing Humans by a Great Flood the more lenient MTA will only add another commandment to its rulebook: Starting in January 2007, every New Yorker must pass a multiple-choice test and obtain a license to ride the subway or take the highway.

The Moses of MTA is its PA system. The Public Announcement system is MTA’s Moses. We say this because MTA makes its announcements through its PA system. MTA is an Unhuman Entity. It is not incorporated like a human. Paradoxically, Humans call Unhuman and Incorporeal entities Corporations. So both MTA and God are Corporations because they are Unhuman. They are not burdened with Human Body. God and MTA have no human Body. Without human body God and MTA do not possess Human senses. But God and MTA endowed themselves with the defining property of Humans: they produce History. The defining property of Humans is Humans’ ability to produce History.

In the beginning there was Word. Before Word it was Prehistory and Humans were pre-Human Humanoids. Any entity which can produce written word is indistinguishable from Humans. This is why the Human Law considers the incorporeal corporation to be a Person. As far as Law is concerned any entity which produces written word is a Person [3] It may not be a Human, but it is a Person. United Nations is a Person which is more Human than any Human because no Human can produce as much written word in one lifetime that UN produces in one year.

When the Word was first invented the majority of Humans were illiterate. When the majority of Humans were illiterate the Corporation needed a Human Proxy to Announce its Regulatory Commandments to Humans by shouting at them and showing them the Clay tablets of which contents he was announcing to Humans. Humans were Illiterate and could not read the cuneiform inscriptions on clay tablets. The God of the Bible is also Unhuman and could not communicate with Humans in God’s own language, whatever that language is. Humans would not understand the language of God. God, therefore, must choose a Human proxy to communicate its Regulatory Commandments to Humans. If God wanted to communicate with Humans today God would just send Humans an email and that would be it. And God’s Message would end up in Spam folders filtered out automatically by Spam Eliminating Programs: “This is an unsolicited email from God. Here’s your 700 Commandments. Don’t eat this, Don’t eat that, don’t never use some of the organs I gave you, sacrifice your domesticated animals to me by burning them at the altar and so on and so forth…” will be picked up by anti-spam programs as spam. What a progress Humans have made. From Clay tablets to Spam.

Once you get your riders license you will swipe it at the turnstile to enter the system. To enter the Underground World you will swipe your riders license at the turnstile. Your riders license will unlock the turnstile and you will get to the Underground World. You will never have to buy another Metrocard again because your riders license will be linked to your credit card. If you have bad credit you won’t be able to use the subway system. I have such bad credit that if I didn’t have bad credit I wouldn’t have no credit at all. So for me it is the highway.

Officially licensed New Yorkers will be considered to be competent riders and MTA the Mosaic PA Jockey will stop making tautological non-sequitur announcements. To hear classic announcements such as the ones below you would have to visit the Nostalgia Room in MTA’s Transportation Museum: /p>

“Ladies and Gentlemen, as you can see, there is a train approaching your station. Please wait until the doors open before boarding the train.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, be nice and courteous to your fellow riders and warn them before they sit on a urine covered seat.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we care deeply about your safety. Please, do not walk over the platform edge. You will fall into the tracks and disturb the rich wildlife there.”

Anytime a Rider crosses the turnstiles legally by paying his fare he enters into a Covenant with the MTA. This is an implicit Covenant but it is as real as the Covenant Humans signed with God. Since this is a contract between MTA and each Rider, both parties have contractual obligations. The Rider must pay its fare. If he doesn’t pay his fare there is no contract anyway. On its part, MTA must supply the Rider fast and efficient transportation in a clean and quiet environment, nothing less, nothing more. But MTA interprets its part of the Covenant to be (1) to haul humans from point A to point B, (2) to make sure that the Hauled shall read no book without being interrupted by the self-righteous voice of MTA, and (3) the Hauled shall become the Dirty and will never wear the same clothes twice without having them dry cleaned, because (4) MTA will not keep the cars clean. New Yorkers always stand up for their rights in any contract they sign with other Humans but they are powerless against this Unhuman Entity who breaches its Covenant with Humans every day.

Unhuman Entities do not care about Humans and Metropolitan Transportation Authority is no exception. MTA is the biggest advertiser of liquor, beer, violence and sex to minors in the City. MTA gets away with this crime and it has the chutzpah to take the high moral ground and lecture New Yorkers about being good Humans.

At Rector Street the conductor makes one of the few useful announcements in MTA’s repertoire: “To get off at South Ferry you must be in one of the first five cars.” But there is a catch: Riders must walk on the platform to switch from one car to another or else. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority of New York will fine any customer who dares to “move between end doors of a subway car whether or not train is in motion” 150 times the value of a ride. Tourists heading to South Ferry for their appointment with the Lady in the Harbor never paid attention to which one of the twelve cars they were getting into when they boarded the train at Times Square. Now they are panic-stricken and spill onto the platform and run South and crowd into the first car, just to be on the safe side. The conductor watches with amusement the familiar sight of wide-eyed tourists running South at Rector Street to fulfill his instructions and waits longer than usual before closing the doors.

Soon, the train enters South Ferry and starts to curve slowly around the platform which has the highest curvature in the entire system. Steel wheels built to glide on a straight line make an abominable screech as they try to accommodate the curvature. Other tourists on the platform returning from their trip to the Liberty Island cover their ears and make faces. Only a New York City Subway car can produce such a primal screech so offensive to the delicate eardrums of out of towners. When the train comes to a halt the first car is facing East and the last car North. Tourists rush to the doors but find them to be walls. As they look at each other with questioning eyes—aren’t we in the first car?—a bridge made of parallel metal bars slides off the platform and closes the gap the curving platform makes with the straight car. “Thank you for riding with the MTA,” the conductor congratulates the tourists as he opens the doors.

Tourists walk over the metal bridges to the safety of the platform and feel relieved to have survived their subway ride in the Tourist Capital of the World with only a minor incident. It was Archimedes of Syracuse who first inscribed a polygon inside a circle and let the discreet lines, here represented by subway cars, become smaller and smaller to approximate the continuous circle. Ever since then humans have been struggling to understand the mystery of the discreet and the continuous, digital and analog, base and precious, mortal and eternal.

Newton claimed in Proposition I, Theorem I of his Principia that increasing the number of the sides of the inscribed polygon would literally turn it into a circle. Newton said “let the sides of the inscribed polygon become smaller and smaller.” What happens then? You would get a polygon with hundred sides, then a polygon with billion sides, and then a polygon with zillion sides, but never a circle, non-Newtonians said.

Non-Newtonians argued that in that Newtonian world there would only be one silly putty geometric figure morphing into any other as the Geometer wished. They did not understand that Newton was anticipating the science of Topology.

Darwin supposed that given enough time one biological species can mutate into another. Non-Darwinians said that such a Darwinian world contradicts the observed world. If Darwin’s claim were true there would only be one kingdom but many conventional taxonomic labels. Darwinians said that given enough time carbon becomes diamond, and given enough time a whale would become a butterfly. It is only a matter of scale. As long as we could imagine a whale size chrysalis, why not? Darwinians said.

Generations of Alchemists believed that a base metal could be transformed into a precious metal if melted and mixed with the hidden powers of the Occult.

Generations of mortal humans believed that their mortal life will become eternal life if tempered with Faith. The rationalists have been arguing that Newton, Darwin, and Alchemists are wrong because the graffiti covered steel cars will never transubstantiate into the concrete platform dotted with black remains of bubble gum.

However small the cars become, the train and the platform will stay as two different species, in the Aristotelian sense. According to Aristotle change of scale or change in time will never result in a change of species. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority of New York is an Unhuman Entity who does not care about Philosophy and instead of letting the cars become smaller and smaller to curve perfectly around the platform to prove Newton right MTA solved the paradox of discreet versus continuous pragmatically by connecting them with a bridge. As for the promise of eternal life, each mortal has to decide on his own. Life is a Way which is not different than Subway. We are born in a station and travel some, and then expire. The Subway system is eternal, the way, the Gardener is eternal to the roses he tends.

At a more abstract level, this elegant study of New York City subway system reveals that what we call Life is perceived as a Discreet Continuum. Truth, on the other hand, is like Eternal Life and it is not made of discreet units. Truth is absolutely continuous and cannot be perceived, even if such a thing as absolutely continuous existed. Only discreet instances of Truth called lies are perceived. The Authority to Define defines its lies to be the Truth and the Believers believe and Non-Believers do not believe. Therefore, only lies are true and Truth is made of lies. This principle is independent of Morals and it is the method of Science: Astronomers observe only points, which are lies because a point is not the orbit, and then they connect the points and call it the orbit, which is not a point. Therefore, lies form the Truth, because each step forms the Way. /p>

As I walk around Manhattan [4  counterclockwise starting from South Ferry to Inwood Hill Park at the Northern tip of the island, then head South keeping as close as possible to Hudson River each one of my steps is a discreet unit compared to the continuous red line I drew on the map as my proposed itinerary; I only touch the land at discreet points. The total course is 317,000 steps and it takes me only 0.025 words per step to describe my walk around the Capital of the World.

This is good. But it is not as good as Thoreau whose essay on walking is as succinct as 0.019 words per step. New York Times reporter Christopher Wren who walked 400 miles from Times Square to Vermont has 0.068 words per step, comparable to mine. Rousseau in the Reveries of the Solitary Walker is over 0.100 words per step. Rousseau got carried away with his philosophical reveries but still wrote a good book. Today serious essay-writing is a dying art because no one walks anymore because walking is considered to be pedestrian. It is hard to imagine how can any serious writer write a good book without basing it on his walks. /p>

I am carried outside the South Ferry Station with the noisy crowd of tourists. There are so many of them. They go toward the ferry landing. I take a picture of the giant letters above the station declaring the station to be “South Ferry.” This way I fix my starting point.

Just before I officially start my walk a homemade sign leaning against a blue plywood fence catches my attention: “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” My first thought is that the sign refers to Zen Dhammapada. Later I realize that the sign was a Sign. It referred to God’s slogan, “My Way or Hell,” but it was put more nicely. The true meaning of the Sign was revealed to me later when I walked by The True Church of God located at the corner of Third Avenue and 125th Street. I realized that Manhattan was the True Religion Capital of the World because this is where the True Church of God is located.

The sign at my starting point was a Sign telling me that my walk around the True Capital of the World was the True Way. In the True Religion Capital of the World there are more itinerant preachers than anywhere else in the world. Most of these Preachers troll the Underground World and compete with MTA’s Regulatory Commandments. Riders who are not plugged into their iPods prefer the Preacher’s act to MTA’s announcements, because the Preacher is a human voice repeating timeless and simple stories that describe humanity’s struggle with human and unhuman. It is better than the synthesized unhuman voice relentlessly ordering Humans to “Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please.”

According to Harper’s Index, the number of non-Christians converted to Christianity by an itinerant subway preacher is zero. According to the same source the number of New York City subway riders injured during the last 150 years by not standing clear of the closing doors is zero. In a century and a half the subway doors have opened and closed as many times as there are inches in the distance to Alpha Centauri but there never was a New Yorker stupid enough to stand in between closing doors, one foot on the platform and one foot on the train, and expect to reach his destination in one piece. MTA claims that if it stopped shouting at New Yorkers to Stand Clear of the Closing Doors suddenly you would see Half New Yorkers one half moving Uptown the other Half Downtown like disentangled quantum photons. /p>

Even people who never heard of Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity know instinctively that the train and the embankment do not move together. Both the Itinerant Preacher and the MTA want to Save the Humans. Humans just want to be saved from them [5]

In the Famous Capital of the World the Famous are the Latter Day Jesus: “I’m the only person in the entire history of humankind who got famous under two names,” declares the slogan on the billboard above Dr. Jay’s, the ghetto outlet which sells oversized and overpriced mock ghetto clothing to the Cool. The first officially recorded fame seeker was Gilgamesh. He went through an Indiana Jones type mythic adventure in the gutters of the world to discover that only fame allowed humans a semblance of eternal life. Jesus who could raise the dead from the dead was only famous in a small area of the world during his lifetime and might have thought himself a failure by not matching the global double fame achieved by Mr. Cassius Clay d/b/a Muhammad Ali with the help of the modern media. Obviously, today knocking people down is valued more than raising them.

A preacher at 168th and Broadway, the Dominican Republic Capital of the World, is singing his sermon in Salsa. On a closer listen it turns out that he is campaigning to be the next mayor of New York City. There can be no possible transformation of one biological species into another but there can be transformation between sociological species, since these are just conventional labels. Proving this law, this preacher transformed himself into a Karaoke politician by putting the custom sound system of his van in good use and decorating it with homemade posters which pleaded with an Unidentified Third Party to “Stop Conspiracy at Federal Courts” and to “Stop Mayor Bloomberg from Driving Us Crazy.” People here start to Salsa when they hear Salsa, and the preacher singing Salsa Politico on the triangle where Broadway and St. Nicholas fork, had a small audience lipsyncing their own lyrics to his Salsa. 

As I walk through Spanish Harlem I encounter many black BMWs with tinted windows. Further investigation later in the Museum of Natural History reveals that a black BMW with tinted windows and a supped up exhaust exploding like firecrackers is the biological cousin of the Hog, that species of mid-life crisis in two wheels which is also equipped with an alpha exhaust. The only difference between the Hog and a Black BMW with tinted windows is that Black BMW was a species native to Europe and adapted to its tough Ghetto environment and evolved giant loudspeakers in its trunk in order to emit Cool Rhythms of Salsa as part of mating ritual in this part of the world. That’s why I pity the tourists who come to New York City and go to Carnegie Hall to get a taste of musical New York. Mozart sounds the same in Manhattan as in Salzburg. Salsa in a ghetto blaster on wheels you can only hear in Manhattan. /p>

For some provincial reason tourists associate the word “Carnegie” with New York City and while they are here they never fail to queue up in front of Carnegie Deli because it contains the word “Carnegie” and because it was the place where failed Broadway impresarios in leisure suits once met to plot the storyline of yet another turkey. For a true taste of modern day culinary New York try the famous El Malecon, or “El Rey de Pollo,” or in free translation, “The True Church of Chicken.” El Malecon is located at 175th Street and Broadway and serves international quality New York style Spanish food as proved by a raving review on its front window by that arbiter of good taste, the New York Times. The Times also reveals the secret of the succulent roast chicken: Any given point on any given chicken revolves uniformly about its own axis and also about the central fire with a sesquialteral ratio and as seen by an inertial observer describes a perfect Archimedean Spiral in the Einstein-DeSitter Universe. Only in the Restaurants Capital of the World can you find  chickens roasted so scientifically.

On 135th and Broadway the associates of Pastor David Veras of Iglesia Cristiana Jesuscristo Cambia Las Vidas hand me the booklet entitled “Living Water: If you only knew what a wonderful gift God has for you, and who Jesus is, you would ask for Living Water, and He would give it.” The 4-color glossy cover also said: “The Radical Message of God’s Word: “Whoever believes in me has eternal life.” Signed: Jesus Christ.

The promise, as I understand it, is that free Eternal Life will be as far away from the Ghetto as possible, in some kind of white bread suburb of the Earth called Heaven. As seen from Heaven the Earth looks like the Ghetto.

Heaven seems like a good place but how do you get to this nice place? The problem of what happens to Human Body as it rises to Heaven occupied the Christian theoreticians for three centuries. From the convention in Ephesus in the first century onward, the Church Fathers [6] debated this issue: How to reconcile Jesus’ finite body with its infinite nature, and how to make base and human Jesus into perfect and heavenly. Did Jesus rise to Heaven with his body? Or did he leave it on Earth before rising?

As good scholastics Church Fathers knew that any sticky problem can be solved by inventing a new word and imposing your definition of it on your rivals, thus, they invented Spirit. Church Fathers never knew that their problem of the deification of Jesus was nothing other than the age old Greek Philosophical issue of discreet versus continuous. To them Greek philosophy was pagan. Therefore, Church Fathers mistook the deification process to be a Marketing and PR problem mixed with Politics. In an early example of Realpolitik and Brinkmanship, Church Fathers spent three centuries excommunicating and anathematizing each other by self-endowed authority. Finally, the least excommunicated still standing declared victory and imposed on others their definition of Spirit.

Spirit is the most precisely defined undefined word in any language, dead or living. Therefore its definition was perfect and very precise for every delegate who accepted it and most egos were satisfied. The unsatisfied moved on and established their own heretical sects based on their own definitions of Spirit.

By inventing the word Spirit, a concept that a famous church historian called Isaac Newton later renamed Force, the Scholastic Church Fathers appeared to have solved the unsolvable and totally irrelevant dilemma of Discreet and Continuous in both philosophical and political realms. Today, the secular version of the same deification process is done routinely in much less time by professionals in Hollywood but it is a Fool's Divinity and allows only for make-believe miracles and does not last long. Church Fathers obviously took their time but were Master Marketers who knew the science of Branding.

Jesus, as a practical peasant, a self-made man, and a hater of Scholasticism and the Priestly Professional classes of any sort, solved the problem with common sense. He raised Lazarus from the dead restoring him into his original living state to impress his audience, as he confessed to his Father, but he himself rose to Heaven in Faith, not in Body. Contrary to what the later Biblical commentators have been emphasizing for millennia, Jesus’ audience was not impressed by Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Raising the dead was a standard miracle at the time. They were amazed at something else. Mary, the sister of the temporarily deceased, warned Jesus before he attempted to get in touch with Lazarus that three-day dead Lazarus would stink the hell out of the place if he came out of the cave. But upon hearing Jesus’ call Lazarus did come out of his temporary death still wrapped in the linen in which he was buried in and to the amazement of the people present he still exuded the nice aroma of the extra virgin olive oil mixed with Myrrh that his relatives anointed him with before saying their final goodbyes. Poor Martha and Mary could hardly afford to buy Myrrh, since it cost 300 denarii an ounce, more than Chanel No. 5 in today’s dollars. That their precious investment was not wasted and that their exhumed loved one came out of the grave still exuding Myrrh... that was impressive!

After reassuring Mary that there will be no offensive odors, Jesus showingly ordered Lazarus, “Lazarus come out of the grave,” and Lazarus did. At the time graves were caves, so Lazarus just walked out, he didn’t have to embarrass himself by digging himself out of six feet under looking creepy with worms falling off his person. If Galileens cremated their deceased instead of filing them in caves, Lazarus would have to reconstruct himself from his ashes like Phoenix, a story well-known to him and to his contemporaries. “Lazarus, reconstruct yourself from your ashes,” Jesus would have said. That would have been a great anticipation of Hollywood style special effects type miracle that Jesus never got a chance to work on. Not that Jesus couldn’t, but it would have been very difficult to convey to First Century peasants the digital special effects of Lazarus materializing from ashes with a symphonic whoosh that only a good Home Theater System could make justice to. Jesus was not Spielberg and never wanted to be.

So Jesus’ raising the dead was a rather modest miracle and, thank God, it was not Sabbath, otherwise, his devout audience would have had to stone Jesus, as they did when Jesus healed a poor cripple on a Sabbath. The drawing (figure 1) shows one of the stones used in stoning Jesus. Scientists analyzed the microscopic blood stains on this stone and matched it to samples from the Shroud of Turin proving both that Shroud of Turin was genuine and that this stone is genuine. The “scientist” who conducted this analysis must have been a physicist. Only a physicist proves force by mass and mass by force. /p>

The stoning of Jesus for his good deed toward a human being reveals the angst of the first century humans caused by their inability to resolve their dilemma about their divided loyalty to their own kind versus the loyalty they felt toward an Unhuman Entity. Even today humans cannot decide how much they should sacrifice their humanity to uphold their Covenant with an Unidentified Third Party. Jesus was pro-human and solved the dilemma in favor of humans. This is proved by the touching story about Jesus treating a Samaritan woman as a Human Being. As a Covenant Man Jesus was not supposed to talk to the Samaritan Woman who was defined by Religious Doctors as Unclean.

Unclean is a word which describes the Samaritan Woman to be not a Doctor. Jesus was against Doctors and Priests and he temporarily absolved himself from his Covenantal duties and talked to the poor Samaritan woman and made her feel good. These stories prove that the Bible needs to be studied independently of its Scholastic baggage introduced later by the Religious Doctors. Bible is Human Heritage. You don’t have to be Christian to read the Bible. And reading the Bible will not make you Christian, the way reading the Principia would not make you a Newtonian. Both are useless waste of time. /p>

According to Harper’s Index, the number of Newtonian Physicists who read Newton’s Principia is zero. According to the same source people who are aware of this fact is not more than 1 [7] The message of the first book authored by Humans was later corrupted by the Scholastic Collaborators of an Unhuman Third Party. These Collaborators altered the message of the Book to fit their Scholastic and Priestly Agenda. This is a standard Scholastic practice. Euler, Lagrange, Gauss, Laplace and others made their academic careers by trying to rationalize the Occult Force Newton defined in his Principia.

Anyone who wants to understand Humans must study the first book Humans wrote. Anyone who wants to understand European Scholasticism must read Newton’s Principia.

When it came to his own resurrection Jesus said that he himself was not coming back from the dead in Body like Lazarus but in Faith only. This way he beautifully solved the problem of the human body who tends to stink and rot if it is not moving. The Body is 89 per cent water and it is not surprising that it behaves like water. Living Water is alive because it is moving and Still Water is dead because it is not moving. Still Water breeds mosquitoes and Dead Body attracts worms. This well-known and inconvenient and annoying Design Defect [8] of the Body paused a serious logical problem in the literal minds of first century peasants. They could not understand the mechanics of how the Ascender disposed of the body as he ascended to the realm of the weightlessness.

Jesus’ solution was a beautiful abstraction on a par with Newton’s emancipation of science from the shackles of rationalism by abstracting mechanical motion into action-at-a-distance and legitimizing the Occult, the secular name of Spirit, as a legal part of physics.

Newton legalized Occult in physics and cleared the way for today’s Academic Physics as Entertainment.

As sophisticated and educated consumers we have witnessed all kinds of unfulfilled promises of things free and we should be wary of offers of free eternal life beyond the grave and ask for that promise in writing, and in writing in a living language, please, not in a dead language with no vowels, and read the small print carefully before committing ourselves to any Covenant which was drawn for rural illiterate people who could not sign their names and requires a signature by mutilation for ratification. No modern day New York City global law firm would draw such a contract today and claim it to be valid in a legitimate court of law.

The booklet of Pastor Veras does not go into the Contract Law aspect of the Gospel of John but it is a new and authoritative translation of the Gospel of John with notes, and it is my first introduction to the historical personage called Jesus. What I know about the Teacher from Galilee I learned it from this fine little booklet which I acquired during my walk around the Gospel Capital of the World. I read in this booklet that it was Jesus who said I am the Way, the Truth and the Life that showed me the Way at South Ferry. I have been reading a lot of Zen and not enough of the Bible and I mistook this slogan to be placed there by a Confucian. [9] We may safely surmise that Jesus too has been reading Confucius or some other Zen master in order to define Himself as the Way. Or more correctly, since Jesus was illiterate, he must have been talking to some Zen Master. Jesus is the living proof that if you are an illiterate peasant you are most likely a wise man and if you are an ignorant academic pedant you are most likely literate.

The wise have been consistently defined as “illiterate” in the sense of “ignorant” by the ignorant literate scholastic pedants who endowed themselves with the Authority to Define. The fact that illiterate does not mean ignorant is illustrated by Jesus who could recite the Torah by heart. A literate pedant scholastic Doctor must read the Bible and consult a Concordance to compose even a simple sermon. Jesus says simply: “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” /p>

A scholastic Doctor trying to express the same idea would write, “I, including the Body, Self, Mind, Spirit and Ego, am the Way, Thoroughfare, Boulevard, and Conduit, and I am the Eternal Indivisible that which only a Doctor of Philosophy could divide into ultimate indivisible Quarks, and I am the Discreet Continuum and the Quantum Foam and Stringy Brane and anything in between” and then write a lengthy commentary on the subtle hairsplitting nuances of meanings of each of his Synonyms in a book length footnote citing all the Doctors who said the same before him. He would call his three volume Monumental Book, A Brief Introduction to the Principles of Truth in Life’s Ways. Not the same effect, as “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.”

Was Confucius a contemporary of Jesus? I don’t know but this would not cause a conflict for their historic meeting. Jesus with his perfect understanding of the Laws of Modern Thermodynamics could easily raise Confucius from the dead or if Confucius lived after Jesus, raise him from the future, in an Einsteinian fashion, showing Confucius the Way through a ten dimensional String theory Wormhole and land him in Galilee and discourse with him the useful method of having disciples to perpetuate your message through any given Spacetime.

The scientific miracle accomplished by Jesus regarding Lazarus is usually underrated by modern physicists because Jesus was a simple peasant and never got around to getting his PhD in physics. Without a PhD Jesus was not legally allowed to achieve scientific miracles that PhDs perform routinely in their scientific papers. /p>

Doctors’ miracles are always performed in theory, in faraway spacetimes and hidden dimensions of faraway universes. No Doctor can fear to be proved wrong during his tenure. Jesus was more like Edison, more result oriented than empty theorizing. Edison made more scientific discoveries in one lifetime than combined scientific discoveries discovered by every academic physicists ever lived. For this Academic Crime Edison was dubbed a Wizard by Doctors of Philosophy.

According to Harper’s Index the number of useful discoveries made by an Academic Physicist in the last two millennia is zero. According to the same source the number of Academic Physicists who actually realized any of their theoretical miracles is zero. /p>

In the eyes of Doctors of Philosophy, Jesus was not theoretically Clean to make sacrifices in the Temple of Doctors of Philosophy who happen to call themselves nowadays physicists. Only the Priests anointed with the Myrrh of PhDs can sacrifice Equations in the Altar of Peer Reviewed Journals to the Elohim of Physicists, presently Newton, and purchase Eternal Academic Fame that no one will remember by the next Resurrection of the Peer Reviewed Journal. No wonder, the Achilles Heel of the Academic Doctor is Publish or Perish.

I know that Newton has been under challenge by the Einstein faction for a while but the Colossus of Scholasticism will not be toppled, not before He reigns at least as long as Aristotle. If you load all the Commentary written by Peripatetic Scholastic Doctors on Aristotle in a freight train [10] you would need 700 cars. If you try to attempt to do the same for Newtonian commentary, just the commentary written in the last half a century by I.B. Cohen alone would fill up as many cars. If you try to do the same for Einsteinian commentary you would fill up the same number of cars just by student commentary written in one semester in academic centers around the world about Observers who could never synchronize their damn watches.

This proves that Scholasticism is advancing in great strides. Once it took a thousand years to compose 700 carloads of useless Commentary, now it is just taking a few months.

Einsteinism was once defined by the dominant Newtonian Doctors to be a heretical sect but today Einsteinism represents the Catholic mainstream in physics. “Mainstream” is a measure of the number of PhD’s issued in that academic sub-field. At present Einstein Doctors are competing with the next generation of String Doctors who are multiplying exponentially. No one gets Doctorates in Newton anymore, that’s undergraduate stuff.

During this longstanding turf war Academic Doctors have been continuously excommunicating and anathematizing each other for using the wrong equation to describe a falling stone. This is how Doctors theoretically stone each other. Each sect swears by its own equation and accuses the other of heresy.

In this respect Secular Doctors are centuries behind Doctors of Theology. Religious Doctors realized long ago that in Scholasticism it is good to have warring sects because then Doctors can have a new academic field called Ecumenism and increase the size of the Academic Bureaucracy. And increasing the size of the Academic Bureaucracy is good. Secular Doctors call Ecumenism Unificationism and each generation of Physicists invent their own GUTs [11]

When Doctors of Philosophy will reach the high level of sophistication of the Doctors of Theology, every Physics God will have its own academic turf, as in the old Greek Polytheism. In Polytheism no god is all powerful and no god has absolute monopoly on Human offerings. Recall that even Zeus had to consult with Poseidon when he needed to share Human’s offerings of grilled fish.

In Modern Physics the Polytheism is almost complete. Doctors negotiated a peaceful transition to Godly division of labor: Newton is in charge of the slow moving realm, but he is powerless in the fast moving realm where Einstein is King, and Greene is in the process of deification, he needs to obtain one more monster book contract and he will be Canonized as the God in charge of the dozen-dimensional Stringy realm.

The media relies on the Doctors of Philosophy to explain to them the stuff that goes as science today so that they can fill in the gaps between advertisements. Doctors are first and foremost Professionals who have been enjoying eternal monopoly on human knowledge and they will protect their monopoly with militant chauvinism. They have been systematically undervaluing Jesus’ achievement because Jesus was not a Doctor of Philosophy. Newton, the Godfather of Modern Physics, was an accomplished Church Historian, and knew better. One dimensional Dogmatic Doctors of today whose education consists of cramming to learn how to solve Partial Differential Equations for quarter of a century before being anointed as Priests, have no idea.

According to the famous Russell paradox Physicists are Doctors of Philosophy but they despise Philosophy. Doctors of Philosophy know no Philosophy. Doctors of Philosophy are expert solvers of Partial Differential Equations. Nowadays PDEs are solved easily by even more philosophically ignorant electronic computers. What nonsense! Here we plead with an Unidentified Third Party: “Stop Doctors of Philosophy from Driving Us Crazy” and “Stop underrating the Physics of Jesus.”

Trusting the biased and self-serving advice of the Dogmatic Doctors the media perpetuates the non-existing conflict between Religion and Modern Physics. There is no such conflict, both Jesus and Academic Physicists deal in miracles. A miracle is simply a Singularity, so named by Doctors because it is where their theories break down. No force in the Universe can make Doctors admit that any of their theories can fail, has failed or will fail in the future, so Doctors always recycle their failures with a new Catchy Label and incorporate them in the theory. This is the well known Bugs Are Built-In Features method.

The best known Bug sold as the Built-In Feature of a theory by Doctors is the Cosmological Constant. Cosmological Constant is now a respected academic field on which PhDs are issued. A Doctor on Cosmological Constant periodically removes and reinstalls the Lambda from Einstein’s Equations and publishes his results. This is how Doctors raise the dead Lambda, bury it, then raise it again theoretically. Apparently today knocking down Greek letters out of useless equations in order to raise them theoretically is valued more than raising real Humans from Real Dead.

When analyzed objectively Jesus’ scientific miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead, or as modern physicists put it euphemistically, a time travel through a Wormhole, is a perfectly scientific endeavor and it is the first usage of the famous Galileen Transformations that Einstein rediscovered two millennia later as part of his General Theory of Relativity. As a Modern Physicist, albeit one without a PhD, Jesus was 2000 years ahead of contemporary Doctors since it was natural for him to read the Mind of his Father. Modern Doctors figured out how to Read the Mind of Jesus’ Father only recently and appropriately enough it was a Crippled Doctor who first made such a claim. The Crippled Doctor would have been thrilled to have the opportunity to discuss his method of Reading the Mind of God with the original inventor of the method and while at it, ask Jesus for a healing miracle to get rid of his cripple on a non-Sabbath day.

Confucius told Jesus in their meeting in Galilee while enjoying Martha and Mary’s hospitality with the Myrrh smelling Lazarus also present that in an era when archiving and retrieving and propagating self-mythologizing propaganda was limited to clay tablets and papyrus scrolls that only your professional rivals could read, not your constituency, it was imperative to have disciples and disciples of disciples who would perpetuate your message until the technology of bound book, literarily, the Bible, become cheap enough to be available to the masses.

Confucius and Jesus failed to consider that their living message once made still by writing it down would be easy prey to the Scavenging Doctors that they hated.

When I reached Riverside Drive and 103rd Street I was looking forward to the welcoming sight of the Statute of Liberty which first becomes visible after passing Chelsea Piers. I was so tired that even Sunday Dog Walkers who were out to spend some quality time with their dogs who are walked during the weekdays wholesale by professional dog walkers and now sulked missing their usual friends, walked passed me, that’s how slow I was walking. According to my informal observation, not the Upper West Side but Upper East Side is the Man’s Best Friend Capital of the World. Others have called Upper East Side the Residential Areas Capital of the World. These two characterizations do not conflict, they are the two sides of the same leash.

Dogs and Humans are inseparable in Upper East Side and they jealously protect their historical Covenant. From a legal point of view, dogs, like illiterate humans, could not sign their name at the X, and ended up with a Covenant also requiring mutilation for ratification, and a more drastic kind of mutilation than the one humans agreed upon in their own Covenant with an Unidentified Third Party. Other legal authorities argue that dogs’ Covenant with Humans conforms better to the modern jurisprudence, because, (1) both signatories are known to each other; (2) there is not an Unidentified Third Party who is not a signatory but who has drawn the contract for the benefit of the selfsame Unidentified Third Party by proxy, and (3) the duties of each party is clearly drawn: (a) Humans feed the dogs; (b) give them shelter; (c) supply entertainment and (d) clean after the dogs, and in return, (e) dogs sold Humans the exclusive right to call dogs man’s best friend because (f) humans have no true friends among their own.

Therefore, no other creature can claim dogs as their best friend without facing litigation for trademark infringement. The Covenantal Conspiracy of Humans and Dogs against all other Forms of Life in Upper East Side left no choice to the Department of Parks and Recreations but to build heavy-duty cast iron fences to protect the trees from the poisonous bodily fluids of dogs and dogs relieve themselves in the middle of sidewalk as they wish and humans bound by their Covenant bend and pick up dogs’ poop while continuing their conversation: “Do you still do Private Equity stuff?” “Yes. I had another good year.” To its inhabitants Upper East Side is the Good Years Capital of the World.

But to me, Upper East Side is the Laundry Fumes Capital of the World. I couldn’t wait to get back to the Promenade at 96th and York Avenue and enjoy the clean air along the East River and walk by watching sunbathing ducks flowing along with the gentle current while sleeping peacefully with their beaks under their wings far away from the Laundry Fumes pollution that flows out of the basement of every Upper East Side building poisoning the lungs of long distance walkers. If anything needs to be regulated in New York City this is it. If Regulation is a quantity which must remain constant in the City Bureaucracy, as Energy in Nature must, then the City can free some Regulations from MTA’s rulebook and use it to regulate the Laundry Fumes. Others say that Regulation is more like Entropy and in any given bureaucracy the number of Regulations increase eternally. Therefore, a New York City Laundry Fumes Regulation Act must be imminent. Here we plead with an Unidentified Third Party to “Stop Upper East Siders Driving Us Crazy With Their Laundry Fumes Conspiracy.”

“If you count the courtyards of all the buildings on which the sun shines,” said a wise man who was almost a contemporary of Jesus, “there are hundreds of houses, but if you remove the walls all these pieces of light are one and the same.” In Jesus’ Father’s House there are many mansions but if you level the walls you will see that Light is One and the Anger of Neighbors whose walls you leveled is Many. The Abolitionist abolishes to make his point, the Segregationist segregates by looking at the points and ignoring the line and the Unificationist unifies by looking at the continuous line and ignoring the points and the Abolitionist, the Segregationist and the Unificationist continuously fight on the definition of what is point and what is line....

I read this quote in a travel book when I took a coffee break at Barnes and Noble on Citi Group building, and I thought it would make a good introduction to this section on United Nations. I approached the United Nations building while walking North on FDR drive on the narrow sidewalk next to ConEdison’s old Waterside power plant which is being gutted. From that vantage point the United Nations building is a white brick wall with no foreshortening. I took a picture with my Nokia showing the gutted 19th century ConEdison building in the foreground and the United Nations wall on the background against the blue sky and it turned out to be a beautiful photo. My Nokia is unburdened by any Covenant and perceives Light as One. I also wanted to take a picture of the colorful flags of the United Nations divided by their flags but they were not there, the flags were neatly stored in little boxes attached to each flag pole. If you count the flags in front of United Nations there are as many nations but removing the flags does not eliminate the borders.

The astronomical moment is just right and the golden halo behind Saint Rose’s head reflects perfectly the divine light shining over Brooklyn. Saint Rose is depicted in her simple nun’s habit on the Eastern wall of his eponymous church on South Street tending to an altar-size Jesus nailed on a cross. Lo and behold! This is another Sign, thought I. Sigh! No. As I walk, the angle changes and the brick texture on which the halo is painted is revealed and whether or not this was a Sign becomes an issue of Faith.

While I am staring at Saint Rose in awe, a female jogger passes me by. She is fully equipped with the latest fashion necessary to jog. In Appendix I, I compiled an exhaustive list of her possessions to contrast her with the simplicity of Saint Rose. The punch line is that, modern day female jogger is lending her body to at least three Giant Unhuman Entities who feed on her: Cosmetics, Fashion, and Entertainment. The combined size of these Monsters is more than $700 trillion. The triumvirate of Cosmetics, Fashion and Entertainment commoditized every square inch of female jogger’s body in such a way that even her face is subdivided into 70 different coordinates each requiring differently packaged and differently smelling substances to equalize the moisture content of each coordinate. An unequally moisturized face is as drastic a disaster for the female jogger as losing her Virginity would have been for Saint Rose.

If Saint Rose with her two possessions, her Bible and her brown habit, is taken as the unit, the modern female jogger must be 700 trillion times happier and more satisfied than Saint Rose. Does Saint Rose watch her jogging sisters from her wall with jealous eyes and say, “You’ve come a long way, baby!” or does she gently castigate them, “you left your home and entered the workforce and you gave up your devotion to your Temple for a paycheck and made her a vehicle for commodities produced by Giant Unhuman Entities?” For my own part I just wanted to share with this jogging commodity that the Divine light over Brooklyn shone on Saint Rose’s Halo and not on Jesus’ Halo. I wanted to give her the good news that nowadays they--not males--are God’s favorites, at least the favorites of the Sun-God shining above Domino Sugar factory in Brooklyn.

The subject of female/male relationship and female’s age-old addiction to consumerism is a scholarly topic which is beyond this short travel diary if we want to uphold our promise of 0.025 words per step. Fortunately, this important problem has been resolved for once and for all by Maureen Dowd Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times Columnist in her recent seminal book whose cover depicts a female and a male hanging on leather straps in a 1950s New York City subway car striking a pulp fiction cover art posture and asking each other desperately “Are Men Necessary?”

From their expression it is clear that they don’t really want to know the answer, neither do they want to read the book on which cover they exist, they just want to end up in bed. Maureen Dowd Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times Columnist realized that the answer to any sticky philosophical question can be found in New York’s Subway system. New York City is the Philosophy Capital of the World and its subway has a Kabbalah of its own and whoever studies this Kabbalah shall find in it infinite connections. The alphabet of the Subway Kabbalah has fewer letters than the English alphabet, but they are as mysterious as Quarks in physics. Like Quarks they come in up and down versions, and just like Quarks they have spin and color. In the Chromodynamics of Subway Kabbalah the fundamental building blocks of the Subway Universe are as many as the fundamental building blocks in Doctors’ Standard Model: A, C, E, S, B, D, F, V, G, L, J, Z, M, N, Q, R, W, and S which come in red, blue, green, yellow and gray species. Numbers are defined as: 1, 9, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7. Numbers in Subway Kabbalah too are like the numbers in physics.

For the layman who is not familiar with the ways of the Doctors let us explain: in physics, there is only one number, it is the number a Doctor chooses to define at that moment in his Spacetime. So 1 = 0 is a legitimate statement in physics. What looks like nonsense to non-Doctors makes perfect sense to a Doctor because he has spent a quarter of a century to learn how to read it: “1 = 0 plus or minus 1.”

Each Matter has its Anti-Matter and each Kabbalah has its Doctor. This law is as strict as any laws of Nature legislated by Doctors. If you see a Kabbalah walking down the street you sure to know that there is a Doctor behind it. Therefore, Physics and Kabbalah use the same scientific methods. In Subway Kabbalah, 1 = 9, because 1 and 9 ride along the same tracks, but differ only by a small error, or as Doctors would read it, “1 = 9 plus or minus last few stops.” For more information see The Subway Kabbalah by Doctor Sol Gravitas. He claims that Subway Cars are three dimensional manifestations of 12 dimensional Strings, platforms are the Branes and each discarded chewing gum on the Branes are the remains of Collapsed Bubble Gum Universes with Lambda = 1.

Therefore, it is only proper that the answer to the fundamental philosophical question about Man and Woman could be resolved by studying New York City, the Kabbalah Capital of the World, and its mysterious subway system. We claim no originality in this research, we simply imitated Maureen Dowd Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times Columnist and like her we solved a philosophical dilemma by studying a fundamental instance of the discreet and continuous as manifested in New York City Subway System. Obviously, Man and Woman are the units of a digital pair: Without Man Woman would not know that she is Woman, the way Zero would not know its zeroness without One. And as usual, Doctors are right, since 1 = 0, Woman and Man must be equal, plus or minus some appendage.

If the answer to the deep and important question “Are Men Necessary?” comes out to be “No” that would be a New York style rebuff against the God of the Bible by denouncing His major achievement as a Design Defect. Such a conclusion which defines Jesus to be a Design Defect would deeply offend the Believers and cause a major uproar. Fortunately no one needs to be offended.

According to a recent book entitled Raphael Cipher, Mary from Magdala was the Messiah and Jesus from Galilee was a regular Joe who got crucified as an Innocent Bystander who had no Grudge or Cause.

The book explains that for Romans it was not beneficial to crucify women in their territories because a woman’s life was not worth the wood of its cross. No one would have cared if a woman from Magdala was crucified as a Messiah. Romans knew that women were not yet in the workforce and did not earn money and they were not taxable. They knew that Human Life is only as precious as the tax that can be extracted from it. There was no point in Marketing Mary from Magdala as a Myth, so they grabbed a Regular Joe and Deified him. And poor Mary from Magdala was defined by the Authority to Define as the practitioner of the oldest profession even though that distinction resides with the Authority to Define, aka, Scholastic Doctors who have been around since the invention of the Word.

In the Beginning there was Word, and it was the Doctors who invented the Word. According to the Raphael Cipher, therefore, there is no danger in answering the question “Are Men Necessary?” as “Nope.” No one will be offended if a Regular Joe turns out to be a Design Defect.

Imagine an impartial Martian Observer studying a BMW with tinted windows. Like us, the Martian Observer would conclude, after some research, that BMW was a species native to Europe and has driven itself to Spanish Harlem at the Epoch Pangaea when Bavaria was not far from Manhattan and evolved giant loudspeakers in its trunk to satisfy Darwinian laws. This much is a scientific deduction based on scientific observation.

Now take an Intelligent Design Zealot looking at the same Darwinian BMW. The Intelligent Design Zealot would conclude that it was an Intelligent Designer who designed and installed the great loudspeakers. Fine. I would say that the poor Dominican Ghetto Dweller who finally put together some disposable income and could afford to buy a second hand BMW and then had it customized to prove that he has arrived is an Intelligent Designer. But the Intelligent Design Zealot makes a huge assumption and claims that the Intelligent Designer must be the Ultimate Partner in the Cosmic Design firm, nothing less would do. Nothing of lesser Intelligence could be the Designer of the Intelligent Design Zealot himself.

What kind of idiotic prescientific anthropocentric occult reasoning is this? Looking at the way Humans are designed, we see that a BMW is infinitely better engineered than the Human Body. It is clear that it was not the Ultimate Intelligent Designer as Biblical God, not an Associate Designer, not even an Assistant Designer but a klutzy and stupid Summer Intern who was there as somebody’s cousin who designed Humans. With all the incurable and unfixable Design Defects of Humans, physical and spiritual, it is not the Design of an Intelligent Designer and this is proved obviously by the level of stupidity expressed by the Design Defect called Intelligent Design Zealot.

Getting into the train to go home in South Ferry my joints hurt like the abominable screech of the train trying to resolve the eternal strife between discreet and continuous. I pleaded with an Unidentified Third Party: “Stop Unhuman Entities Driving Humans Crazy” and “Let Humans Unite Against the Unhuman.”

 “Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please,” said the Unhuman Voice.

Footnotes:

[1] This is not true for corporations. Corporations in trouble routinely change their names and escape punishment. This is called spin-off.

[2]December 20, 2005

[3] See also [ p.]

[4] Shorewalkers, Inc. has been organizing an annual walk around the rim of Manhattan since 1985. But they walk clockwise, I walked counterclockwise.

[5] The author is mistaken here. MTA makes the announcements not to warn riders about closing doors so that they don’t get injured but MTA orders riders to stay clear of the doors so that the doors can close.

[6] as they are called

[7]Before the publication of this book.

[8] See p.

[9] The author confuses Confucius with Tao. This confusion does not harm to the beautiful story recounted here. Although it would have annoyed Confucius who insisted on calling things by their proper names. (Rectification of names). In other words Confucius was an early proponent of what we are trying to do, call force force not gravity or mass, give Kepler Kepler’s due, etc.

[10] See p.